| * You think you’ve met the girl
who’s perfect for you, who you can have a great relationship with and
eventually marry
* You ignore the bitchy behavior and abuse that
comes from this girl, still believing that she’s "The One"
* You see and know girls who you know would be
much better for you, but ignore them because the girl you’re with is
better-looking, taller, skinnier–a number of superficial qualities that
don’t add up to the love you know you could get elsewhere
* You spend lots and lots of money on this girl,
and she never bothers to thank you–or if she does, it’s less than
sincere
* Your friends all tell you that this girl
isn’t right for you, but you ignore their advice
* Maybe your friends have even fought with this
girl, but you defend her even though you know deep-down her behavior is
unacceptable
* You spend all your time with this girl, and
ignore your friends and family
* You find yourself calling her all the time
to see what she’s doing, and who she’s with
* You can’t get this girl out of your head,
even when she’s long gone!
If you’ve ever watched the classic film
Swingers, then you know what Oneitis is: it’s the character of
Mikey!
Unfortunately, a lot of guys become the Mikeys
of this world. And while some men may just go through this with a girl
they’re only dating, other guys, like Johnny, take this obsession all
the way to marriage. And that’s when the "disease" becomes deadly.
How do you know when a girl is right for you?
I could write book after book after book about what’s right and what’s
wrong, but what it comes down to are ten essential ingredients for lasting
success:
She supports and encourages your goals and
interests. A girl who’s right for you should follow you on your
path–not try to re-direct it her own way. Unfortunately, Johnny’s
wife wanted him to do something completely different to the direction he
wanted to head, so it was little wonder that their romance fizzled out so
quickly. Guys, if you can’t be open about your feelings, interests,
passions and purpose, then you shouldn’t be with the girl. She should
be able to listen and understand, not disregard and sneer.
You can accept her and her goals and
interests. Just like a woman should support and push you on the path
you want to head, so too should you be able to do the same for her. If
she’s into motorcycling and you hate it, or if she wants to travel the
world and you just want to stay in one place, then chances are you two
aren’t made for each other. Likewise, you should be able to understand
her emotions and concerns–both of you MUST be good, compassionate
listeners.
She loves you for you, not your money and
possessions. So many rich and powerful men have destructive relationships
with women. Why? Because the woman aren’t marrying these
men–they’re marrying their money. And divorce isn’t cheap,
so even when these guys break up with the bloodsuckers, the women still get
a hefty chunk of the pie!
She generally gets along with your family
and friends–and doesn’t mind seeing them. So many guys seem
to forget this, watching dumbly as their girlfriend pulls them further and
further from their family and friends to have him all for her own. I’ve
got an uncle who blindly allowed himself to end all contact with his family
because his wife hated them. Somehow they’re still married, but is that
the kind of woman you want to be with?
She’s on the same page, spiritually,
as you. Spirituality is a big thing for couples–it can unite them
like nothing else. I know so many couples who are happily married because
they believe in the same God, the same purpose in life, the same deep feelings
about their existence. Conversely, couples who battle over the questions
of life just do not have the same loving romance. A girl who’s right
for you doesn’t necessarily have to believe in the same religious principles
and dogmas as you, but if she’s an atheist and you’re a Christian,
things may not work out long-term.
She wants to spend as much time with you as
with her own friends and family. This may seem like an obvious one, but
so many guys fawn over girls who only see them on THEIR schedule. If a girl
is really right for you, you shouldn’t have to obsess over her or ask
her permission to see her. You should both WANT to see each other and miss
being with one another–that’s a sign that you’re both in
love.
You both share the same feelings for
another. If you know deep in your heart that you want to marry her and
spend the rest of your life with her, but she’s non-committal and vague,
then you should certainly move on. A true, loving partner should accept you
completely for who you are and what you feel. On the other hand, if you both
feel comfortable sharing feelings with each other, and she accepts the deep
things that you reveal to her, then you’ve found a true catch!
You both make time for each other, even through
work and school. Spending quality time with one another is crucial. If
your girl is always at her job, concentrating on her career, or studying
for a degree, and not making an effort to be with you, then it’s time
to move on. True love knows no bounds–including time. While it’s
great to have a girl who’s serious about her career and education, this
can also be a relationship-breaker if she takes either too seriously.
Money and possessions are not as important
as love. This is a simple one: If your girl only talks about possessions
and money, if that’s where her true values lie, then you might want
to back out of the relationship. Every girl wants good things in life, but
if she really loves you, then how much you make and how much you give her
shouldn’t be #1 on her priority list.
You both are able to put each other ahead of
yourselves. This can be the make or break of a relationship. If she’s
willing to do things for you, sacrifice time with her friends or time at
work to be with you and make you meals, then you’ve found yourself a
winner. However, if she’s always cancelling dates, spending more time
with her friends than with you, and never gets you any gifts or acts of service,
then you’ve found yourself a bitch. Move on. When she treats herself
more important than you, then you’re heading towards disaster.
In the end, you want a girl who can you be you
around, and know that you’re valued by her night and day. If you’re
in a relationship now that you want to be more serious, ask yourself if the
woman you’re with fulfills these 10 requirements. And if you’re
looking for love, don’t get too far into it unless you really feel that
the girl treats you right.
For all of you in a marriage or just got divorced,
I highly recommend you check out this great service I found over the web.
You can get free, high-quality newsletters that will tell you how to handle
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that your relationship is on the rocks.
Check
out Save My Marriage Today now.
And remember: There’s a big difference between
"The One" who’s right for you…and "The One" who will become your
biggest nightmare!
Back
Relationship expert James Brito, author
of "How to Be Irresistible to Women" and "The Art of Impressing Women," regularly
explores topics of attraction and romance. Since 2000, he has helped thousands
of men around the world build confidence and get the women they deserve.
To get his free six-part audio mini-course, go to:
http://www.000relationships.com/
Because it's YOUR turn! |
