| 2) ACCEPT THE SITUATION
When you truly, deeply accept the situation,
and I mean accept it as if you had chosen it, you release all "victim" energy.
Thoughts and feelings that you've been victimized repel happiness.
In my case, I was blessed with a dream on the
second anniversary of my husband's death. In this dream, I met my husband
at the airport and raged, "How could you rip my heart out? How could you
die beside me?" I confronted him with his ultimate betrayal, "How could you
leave our son without his father?!"
In this dream, my late husband asked me three
questions. "If you had it to do all over again, would you still marry
me?"
I thought for a moment, flooded with happy memories.
I'd take my time with him, though it be short. "Yes."
"If you had it to do all over again, would you
still have our son?"
This time the answer was quicker, surer. He's
the light of my life, my joy, my blessing! "Yes!"
And then my late husband asked the final question,
"Given that, would you want to know that I would die young?"
His question hung in the air. Would I choose
to taint our joy with dread? I looked into my heart. After a long moment,
I realized the answer. "No."
This dream changed my life. I was freed from
the idea that I was a victim of fate. You can free yourself, too, by simply
imagining the possibility that you were spared a much worse fate. Once you
accept your "lemons," you can make lemonade.
3) FORGIVE EVERYONE EVERYTHING, INCLUDING
YOURSELF
Forgiveness is a challenging concept for many
people, so let me walk you through two levels of forgiveness, from beginner
to advanced. If forgiveness is challenging for you, let's be clear that
forgiveness doesn't mean that you condone unacceptable behavior.
Forgiveness means "giving up the hope for a different
or better yesterday." Yesterday isn't going to change. Why continue to give
yourself pain over what happened yesterday? Forgiveness isn't a gift that
you give to another person -- forgiveness is a gift that you give to yourself.
You free yourself from the tyranny of the insane hope for a different yesterday.
Yesterday is never going to change, no matter how much you beat yourself
up with the idea that it should have been different. Give yourself a gift
by forgiving everyone everything -- including yourself, others, and God.
At a more advanced level, when you deeply forgive,
the thoughts that were causing you pain simply evaporate. You discover that
there is nothing left to forgive. This is true freedom.
For example, in my case, for a long time I held
the thought, "My husband's death is the worst thing that ever happened to
me." That thought caused incredible pain and suffering. But was that thought
even true?
When I forgave my husband for dying, forgave
God for stealing him away from me, and forgave myself for being such a horrible
person that God would do such a terrible thing to me, the whole thing simply
evaporated.
I realized that my late husband gave me two priceless
gifts. The first was our son. The second was the experience of having my
heart broken -- and opened. It profoundly changed me in ways that I appreciate.
It made me who I am today.
Through his death, my late husband was my greatest
spiritual teacher. I am grateful for everything that he taught me. I am grateful
that I now have an open heart. An open heart is love. An open heart
naturally, spontaneously, radiates and attracts love. Once I healed, I
spontaneously attracted another amazing man, and we're now engaged to be
married.
Perhaps your greatest spiritual teacher is not
some guru in a cave in India. Perhaps your greatest spiritual teacher is
the person you're living with -- or your ex?
4) SAY GOOD-BYE
Rituals bring closure and resolution. Before
you hang up the phone, you say "good-bye." At the end of a relationship,
you need to say "good-bye" also. It doesn't mean good-bye forever, it just
means that this particular telephone call, this particular chapter in your
relationship, has ended.
If you don't say good-bye to the old, you don't
make room for something new -- whether it be a new form of relationship with
that same person, or a new relationship with someone else. It's like cleaning
out your closet. If your closet is stuffed full of old clothes that you don't
wear, there's no room for new clothes. In the same way, if you don't release
your old loves, there's no room for new love.
So it's very important to say goodbye, whether
it's a formal event like a divorce or a funeral, or a private ritual that
you create. When you say "good-bye" to the old, you make room for the new.
When you say good-bye to the past, you welcome in the present moment. And
being fully present in the here and now is the greatest gift that you can
give to yourself.
In summary, instead of looking for love in all
the wrong places (i.e. outside of yourself), first look within and do the
work required to heal your own heart. Accelerate your own journey from heartbreak
to happiness by:
1) expressing your feelings,
2) accepting the situation as if you had chosen
it,
3) forgiving everyone everything, including yourself,
and
4) saying goodbye.
Healing a broken heart requires work, but you're
worth it! As you express your feelings, accept the situation, forgive everyone,
and say good-bye, you'll find yourself feeling lighter, freer, and happier.
From that place, don't be surprised if your soul mate shows up!
Back
Aurora Winter is a speaker, workshop leader,
and the author of: "From Heartbreak to Happiness: An Intimate Diary of
Healing"
“I read every page of this beautiful
diary -- it touched my heart and I know it will impact yours.” DR. WAYNE
DYER
Book Aurora to speak at your next
event!
Register online to win a healing spa retreat
with Aurora. For details, visit
=>http://www.FromHeartbreakToHappiness.com |
