How To Create And Get Closure With Your
Past Relationships
By Dr. Rob
Bilton
Are you thinking about leaving your relationship
or have you left your relationship and are looking for closure? In this article,
we are talking about how to create and get closure with your past
relationships.
A lot of you have been through a lot of ups and
downs, and the challenge is about people who are breaking up and are thinking
of breaking up or deciding whether they should stay or go is that they are
making decisions based on love and attraction, friendship and fun and sometimes
the kids, the mortgage, finances or family. All these things create a push
pull, an approach avoidance conflict as they say in Psychology.
Basically you have to listen to your heart. What
is your highest and best? If you are living your life according to a metaphysical
underpinning or paradigm where you are looking for your highest and best
soulmate, you ultimately want to have a soulmate that you can have a relationship
with, not just a soulmate, because you are already saying Yeah, this
person is my soulmate.
Yeah, they probably are, they are here to teach
you what you want and what you dont want. It is a stepping stone, if
you just look at the big picture, if you get your ego out of the way and
look at what is highest and best for you. Your job is to turn your dreams
into reality and with some people you cannot create the relationship of your
dreams. You need different things. Yes, they have a lot of what you want,
and that is what the problem is, it is not all good or all bad, if it was
you wouldnt be reading this article. |
| The problem is that there is some really
good stuff that is reinforcing you and you are on an intermittent reinforcement
schedule. Again, another psychological concept, that the good times will
make you stay. Generally your life is not good and you are in pain all the
time and you are in horrendous power struggles. Maybe you have gone to
counselling, and you are trying to work things out, but they are not working
out because they are deal breakers, well then you need to move on and you
need to get closure.
But the first thing you have to do with closure
is understand the big picture. In my own relationship, I was totally unconscious,
I didnt understand about being qualified or understanding the other
persons relationship needs to be qualified. You know, I was toxic,
I was deficient, I didnt understand the relationship game and I had
a low level of relationship mastery. I really wasnt qualified and a
lot of people really arent qualified to be in a relationship.
If you look at jobs, they say are you qualified
for this job? People say yeah of course or no, this person
isnt qualified. But in relationships we dont even think
about that concept. You need to have a certain level of communication skills,
openness, you cant be shutdown, and you cant have a lot of negative
behaviors. You got to have an understanding of the game and you have to
understand people, and the relationship process.
You know, you have to have a lot of this relationship
mastery, at least the basics to get into the game and stay in the game. I
mean anyone can get into the game. If you go into a relationship you have
to ask yourself, can you keep them? Thats the key; you need to have
the relationship intelligence, the relationship mastery at a certain
level.
So I had to get rid of a lot of my toxicities
and defiencies. I had to understand the game and the different personalities,
different values, different lifestyles. That will help you get closure.
I was with a lovely lady Lucie, we had different
visions and values, we had different lifestyles, and we had different life
values. The love was there and the attraction was there. It was even worst
with earlier relationships that I talk about in True Love on Demand, these
people where dysfunctional, they were character disordered, they were
unavailable, they had some major issues going on and I had some major issues,
I had some toxicities and some deficiencies.
You know, I had no idea about the relationship
game; I should not have been in relationships at that time. Someone should
have pulled me away and trained me for half a year, six months or three months
or whatever, to wake me up and smell the coffee, because I was really good
in other areas of my life, but I certainly wasnt good in
relationships.
The following is the basic descriptions of the
communication modes and the needs of each modes.
Visuals communicate by seeing and doing. They
like activities and they like gifts. They notice people, places and things
with just the slightest glance. They feel and share love by doing things
with or for other people. They take things at face value and do not look
deeper into things.
Auditory people communicate through talking.
They have the natural gift of the gab, are designed to be able to talk for
long periods of time. They enjoy talking and listening to other people talk.
They feel loved when they are talked to, and like to hear the words I love
you.
Digital people communicate through connection
and understanding. The find the deeper meaning in everything they think,
see and do. Understanding is very important to them. They feel loved when
they share connections with others and are understood.
Kinesthetic people communicate through their
bodies. The move, feel and express through their bodies. Kinesthetics love
to touch, feel, physical activity and hugging. They feel loved when they
are touched.
So if you are with someone who is very toxic,
or dysfunctional, if they have anger issues, addictions or criminal behaviors,
if they are liars or cheaters, then what do you do? So you are thinking,
do I stay or do I go? Hey, it becomes pretty obvious after a certain point.
Plus even things like the fact that Lucie and I never fought, there was
underlying powerstruggles because we have different values, different value
Centres, different visions, different lifestyles, plus we had different
communication styles.
Lucie was not Auditory or Digital and I was
Kinesthetic, Auditory, Digital, Visual so I needed it on all channels, and
because of my personality I needed attention and because of our lifestyles
or lifestyle value Centres we didnt get much of that, so it just
wasnt working for us.
So you have to look at where you are at, and
what you want. Your job is to turn your dreams into reality. Your job is
to have the Relationship and love of your life. Thats you job, thats
what your soul wants.
As I said from the beginning if you are living
from a Metaphysical paradigm, an effortless paradigm, a paradigm that believes
that you can have it all and it is an abundant world and you can transcend
the adversarial competitive, scarcity paradigm. These are just belief systems,
they are not true. In this world we can have what we want, you have to transcend
the adversarial, competitive paradigm, once you do, you can look at them
very clearly and once you do, even if you use the attract system, you are
not going to get any better if you are hanging on to your past relationships,
you need to resolve that, you need to have closure.
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